Giving one's wife the choice does not count as a divorce, unless it is intended as such

'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported:

When the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was commanded to give option to his wives, he started it from me saying: I am going to mention to you a matter which you should not (decide) in haste until you have consulted your parents. She said that he already knew that my parents would never allow me to seek separation from him She said: Then he said: Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, said: Prophet, say to your wives: If you desire this world's life and its adornment, then come, I will give you a provision and allow you to depart a goodly departing; and if you desire Allah and His Messenger and the abode of the Hereafter, then Allah has prepared for the doers of good among you a great reward She is reported to have said: About what should I consult my parents, for I desire Allah and His Messenger and the abode of the Hereafter? She ('A'isha) said: Then all the wives of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) did as I had done.

وَحَدَّثَنِي أَبُو الطَّاهِرِ، حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ وَهْبٍ، ح وَحَدَّثَنِي حَرْمَلَةُ بْنُ يَحْيَى التُّجِيبِيُّ، - وَاللَّفْظُ لَهُ - أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ وَهْبٍ، أَخْبَرَنِي يُونُسُ بْنُ يَزِيدَ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، أَخْبَرَنِي أَبُو سَلَمَةَ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ عَوْفٍ، أَنَّ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ لَمَّا أُمِرَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم بِتَخْيِيرِ أَزْوَاجِهِ بَدَأَ بِي فَقَالَ ‏"‏ إِنِّي ذَاكِرٌ لَكِ أَمْرًا فَلاَ عَلَيْكِ أَنْ لاَ تَعْجَلِي حَتَّى تَسْتَأْمِرِي أَبَوَيْكِ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ قَدْ عَلِمَ أَنَّ أَبَوَىَّ لَمْ يَكُونَا لِيَأْمُرَانِي بِفِرَاقِهِ قَالَتْ ثُمَّ قَالَ ‏"‏ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ قَالَ ‏{‏ يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُلْ لأَزْوَاجِكَ إِنْ كُنْتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ الْحَيَاةَ الدُّنْيَا وَزِينَتَهَا فَتَعَالَيْنَ أُمَتِّعْكُنَّ وَأُسَرِّحْكُنَّ سَرَاحًا جَمِيلاً * وَإِنْ كُنْتُنَّ تُرِدْنَ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَالدَّارَ الآخِرَةَ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ أَعَدَّ لِلْمُحْسِنَاتِ مِنْكُنَّ أَجْرًا عَظِيمًا‏}‏ قَالَتْ فَقُلْتُ فِي أَىِّ هَذَا أَسْتَأْمِرُ أَبَوَىَّ فَإِنِّي أُرِيدُ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَالدَّارَ الآخِرَةَ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ ثُمَّ فَعَلَ أَزْوَاجُ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم مِثْلَ مَا فَعَلْتُ ‏.‏

'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) sought our permission when he had a (turn to spend) a day with (one of his wives) amongst us (whereas he wanted to visit his other wives too). It was after this that this verse was revealed:

" You mayest put off whom you pleasest of them, and take for you whom you pleasest" (xxxiii. 5). Mu'adha said to her: What did you say to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) when he sought your permission? She said: I used to say: If it had the option in this I would not have (allowed anyone) to have precedence over me.

حَدَّثَنَا سُرَيْجُ بْنُ يُونُسَ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبَّادُ بْنُ عَبَّادٍ، عَنْ عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ مُعَاذَةَ الْعَدَوِيَّةِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَسْتَأْذِنُنَا إِذَا كَانَ فِي يَوْمِ الْمَرْأَةِ مِنَّا بَعْدَ مَا نَزَلَتْ ‏{‏ تُرْجِي مَنْ تَشَاءُ مِنْهُنَّ وَتُؤْوِي إِلَيْكَ مَنْ تَشَاءُ‏}‏ فَقَالَتْ لَهَا مُعَاذَةُ فَمَا كُنْتِ تَقُولِينَ لِرَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم إِذَا اسْتَأْذَنَكِ قَالَتْ كُنْتُ أَقُولُ إِنْ كَانَ ذَاكَ إِلَىَّ لَمْ أُوثِرْ أَحَدًا عَلَى نَفْسِي ‏.‏

The above hadith has likewise been narrated through another chain.

وَحَدَّثَنَاهُ الْحَسَنُ بْنُ عِيسَى، أَخْبَرَنَا ابْنُ الْمُبَارَكِ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَاصِمٌ، بِهَذَا الإِسْنَادِ ‏.‏ نَحْوَهُ ‏.‏

'A'isha reported:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) gave us the option (to get divorce) but we did not deem it as divorce.

حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ يَحْيَى التَّمِيمِيُّ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْثَرٌ، عَنْ إِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنِ أَبِي خَالِدٍ، عَنِ الشَّعْبِيِّ، عَنْ مَسْرُوقٍ، قَالَ قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ قَدْ خَيَّرَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَلَمْ نَعُدَّهُ طَلاَقًا ‏.‏

Masruq reported:

I do not mind if I give option to my wife (to get divorce) once, hundred times, or thousand times after (knowing it) that she has chosen me (and would never seek divorce). I asked 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) (about it) and she said: Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) gave us the option, but did it imply divorce? (It was in fact not a divorce; it is effective when women actually avail themselves of it.)

وَحَدَّثَنَاهُ أَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ مُسْهِرٍ، عَنْ إِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنِ أَبِي، خَالِدٍ عَنِ الشَّعْبِيِّ، عَنْ مَسْرُوقٍ، قَالَ مَا أُبَالِي خَيَّرْتُ امْرَأَتِي وَاحِدَةً أَوْ مِائَةً أَوْ أَلْفًا بَعْدَ أَنْ تَخْتَارَنِي وَلَقَدْ سَأَلْتُ عَائِشَةَ فَقَالَتْ قَدْ خَيَّرَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَفَكَانَ طَلاَقًا.

'A'isha reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) gave option to his wives, but it was not a divorce.

حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ بَشَّارٍ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ جَعْفَرٍ، حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، عَنْ عَاصِمٍ، عَنِ الشَّعْبِيِّ، عَنْ مَسْرُوقٍ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم خَيَّرَ نِسَاءَهُ فَلَمْ يَكُنْ طَلاَقًا‏.‏

'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) gave us the option (to get divorce) and we chose him and he did not count it a divorce.

وَحَدَّثَنِي إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ مَنْصُورٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ، عَنْ سُفْيَانَ، عَنْ عَاصِمٍ الأَحْوَلِ، وَإِسْمَاعِيلَ بْنِ أَبِي خَالِدٍ عَنِ الشَّعْبِيِّ، عَنْ مَسْرُوقٍ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ خَيَّرَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَاخْتَرْنَاهُ فَلَمْ يَعُدَّهُ طَلاَقًا ‏.‏

'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) reported:

Allah's Messeinger (ﷺ) gave us the option (to get divorce), but me made a choice of him and he did not count anything (as divorce) in regard to us.

حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ يَحْيَى، وَأَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ وَأَبُو كُرَيْبٍ قَالَ يَحْيَى أَخْبَرَنَا وَقَالَ الآخَرَانِ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو مُعَاوِيَةَ، عَنِ الأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ مُسْلِمٍ، عَنْ مَسْرُوقٍ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ خَيَّرَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَاخْتَرْنَاهُ فَلَمْ يَعْدُدْهَا عَلَيْنَا شَيْئًا ‏.‏

A hadith like this has been transmitted on the authority of 'A'isha through another chain of narrators.

وَحَدَّثَنِي أَبُو الرَّبِيعِ الزَّهْرَانِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ بْنُ زَكَرِيَّاءَ، حَدَّثَنَا الأَعْمَشُ، عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنِ الأَسْوَدِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، وَعَنِ الأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ مُسْلِمٍ، عَنْ مَسْرُوقٍ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، بِمِثْلِهِ‏.‏

Jabir b. 'Abdullah (Allah be pleased with them) reported:

Abu Bakr (Allah be pleased with him) came and sought permission to see Allah's Messenger (ﷺ). He found people sitting at his door and none amongst them had been granted permission, but it was granted to Abu Bakr and he went in. Then came 'Umar and he sought permission and it was granted to him, and he found Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) sitting sad and silent with his wives around him. He (Hadrat 'Umar) said: I would say something which would make the Prophet (ﷺ) laugh, so he said: Messenger of Allah, I wish you had seen (the treatment meted out to) the daughter ofKhadija when you asked me some money, and I got up and slapped her on her neck. Allah's Messenger (mav peace be upon him) laughed and said: They are around me as you see, asking for extra money. Abu Bakr (Allah be pleased with him) then got up went to 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) and slapped her on the neck, and 'Umar stood up before Hafsa and slapped her saying: You ask Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) which he does not possess. They said: By Allah, we do not ask Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) for anything he does not possess. Then he withdrew from them for a month or for twenty-nine days. Then this verse was revealed to him:" Prophet: Say to your wives... for a mighty reward" (xxxiii. 28). He then went first to 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) and said: I want to propound something to you, 'A'isha, but wish no hasty reply before you consult your parents. She said: Messenger of Allah, what is that? He (the Prophet) recited to her the verse, whereupon she said: Is it about you that I should consult my parents, Messenger of Allah? Nay, I choose Allah, His Messenger, and the Last Abode; but I ask you not to tell any of your wives what I have said He replied: Not one of them will ask me without my informing her. God did not send me to be harsh, or cause harm, but He has sent me to teach and make things easy.

وَحَدَّثَنَا زُهَيْرُ بْنُ حَرْبٍ، حَدَّثَنَا رَوْحُ بْنُ عُبَادَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا زَكَرِيَّاءُ بْنُ إِسْحَاقَ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو الزُّبَيْرِ، عَنْ جَابِرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ دَخَلَ أَبُو بَكْرٍ يَسْتَأْذِنُ عَلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَوَجَدَ النَّاسَ جُلُوسًا بِبَابِهِ لَمْ يُؤْذَنْ لأَحَدٍ مِنْهُمْ - قَالَ - فَأُذِنَ لأَبِي بَكْرٍ فَدَخَلَ ثُمَّ أَقْبَلَ عُمَرُ فَاسْتَأْذَنَ فَأُذِنَ لَهُ فَوَجَدَ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم جَالِسًا حَوْلَهُ نِسَاؤُهُ وَاجِمًا سَاكِتًا - قَالَ - فَقَالَ لأَقُولَنَّ شَيْئًا أُضْحِكُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ لَوْ رَأَيْتَ بِنْتَ خَارِجَةَ سَأَلَتْنِي النَّفَقَةَ فَقُمْتُ إِلَيْهَا فَوَجَأْتُ عُنُقَهَا ‏.‏ فَضَحِكَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَقَالَ ‏"‏ هُنَّ حَوْلِي كَمَا تَرَى يَسْأَلْنَنِي النَّفَقَةَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ فَقَامَ أَبُو بَكْرٍ إِلَى عَائِشَةَ يَجَأُ عُنُقَهَا فَقَامَ عُمَرُ إِلَى حَفْصَةَ يَجَأُ عُنُقَهَا كِلاَهُمَا يَقُولُ تَسْأَلْنَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم مَا لَيْسَ عِنْدَهُ ‏.‏ فَقُلْنَ وَاللَّهِ لاَ نَسْأَلُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم شَيْئًا أَبَدًا لَيْسَ عِنْدَهُ ثُمَّ اعْتَزَلَهُنَّ شَهْرًا أَوْ تِسْعًا وَعِشْرِينَ ثُمَّ نَزَلَتْ عَلَيْهِ هَذِهِ الآيَةُ ‏{‏ يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُلْ لأَزْوَاجِكَ‏}‏ حَتَّى بَلَغَ ‏{‏ لِلْمُحْسِنَاتِ مِنْكُنَّ أَجْرًا عَظِيمًا‏}‏ قَالَ فَبَدَأَ بِعَائِشَةَ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ يَا عَائِشَةُ إِنِّي أُرِيدُ أَنْ أَعْرِضَ عَلَيْكَ أَمْرًا أُحِبُّ أَنْ لاَ تَعْجَلِي فِيهِ حَتَّى تَسْتَشِيرِي أَبَوَيْكِ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ وَمَا هُوَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ فَتَلاَ عَلَيْهَا الآيَةَ قَالَتْ أَفِيكَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَسْتَشِيرُ أَبَوَىَّ بَلْ أَخْتَارُ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَالدَّارَ الآخِرَةَ وَأَسْأَلُكَ أَنْ لاَ تُخْبِرَ امْرَأَةً مِنْ نِسَائِكَ بِالَّذِي قُلْتُ ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏"‏ لاَ تَسْأَلُنِي امْرَأَةٌ مِنْهُنَّ إِلاَّ أَخْبَرْتُهَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَمْ يَبْعَثْنِي مُعَنِّتًا وَلاَ مُتَعَنِّتًا وَلَكِنْ بَعَثَنِي مُعَلِّمًا مُيَسِّرًا ‏"‏ ‏.‏